sunny sundae smile

I have become a list maker. My day planner is filled to the brim with To Do lists, pages upon pages. Until I got a big girl job I had never found myself to be overly productive or the aforementioned planning type. I now look forward not just to seeing what my day will be like, but checking off things I get done. There's a sickening sense of enjoyment that I get from seeing the completed tasks outnumber the ones I've left for another day. In the morning I wake with plans already on my mind. I am not sure where in my brain this all comes from, or how I somehow make the decision to do or not to do at any given moment. After a day of gray skies and rain I woke to what appears to be from my window a beautiful fall day. While my family sits around downstairs watching football all day -- I do not want to do this, I hate it and this time of year makes me hate Sundays, parts of Saturdays (which I'm thankfully not around for anymore), and Monday nights -- I'd like to find myself doing something a little more exciting and less mind numbing. I'll probably start with cleaning my mess of a room. I'm usually great at this and I get it done quickly (wow, efficiency) but I can't seem to maintain it for more than a few days. I'd like to write an essay, but I'm sure I'll just do that while I have downtime at work tomorrow or the next day... I'd like to buy something but I've spent too much money this week and must wait for next. I'd like to go for a run, but the state of the air outside is holding the fate of that feat in its hands. I can't seem to look past the small piles of towels and work clothing and shoes and bobby pins and scarves around my room. First I will shower. Then I will eat. Then I will clean my room. I'll probably find myself at the video store later this afternoon, returning Candyman which was a terrible film, and renting Inland Empire, Wild at Heart, (possibly) Dune, and definitely Eastern Promises. If I can find a good foreign film I'll rent that as well. Maybe I'm on a more intense David Lynch phase these days. Maybe I just don't want to let my mind rest. I'd like to bake something. I'd like to sit around a fire tonight. I'd like to meet someone new. I'd like to do all of these things.